Shopping Plus Toddler

Shopping used to be... Throw on some clothes, head out. Blast favorite music in car. Shop. Come back home. {When I say shopping, I mean the grocery run. I'm not a shopper!} Add toddler:  Throw on my clothes and wait for the toddler to "I do it." aka put on hers. Answer {multiple times} the question, "Is that the right way?" while trying to inspect if the tag is front or back. Take along three dolls, even if one is naked and merely wrapped in silk and wearing a pair of shoes. Strap in dolls and toddler. {Toddler insists that dolls must be buckled up, too!} Answer "Why?" questions and the "Why?" questions that arise out of the answers given. {"I wonder..." isn't working so much with this kid!} Hear a sneeze and wipe a nose while attempting to stay in one's lane and maintain a speed that won't lead to drivers honking. Arrive at store. Need to persuade toddler not to take all three dolls into the store and suffer through toddler grabbing the naked one wrapped in silk. Put shoes back on toddler as she removed them in the car. Search the grocery store parking lot cart drop-offs for the only cart that has a red car attached to the front of it. Let toddler "do it" when it comes to getting in. Pause for a moment to compare bulk prices vs. packaged for cashews and realize toddler has escaped the vehicle. Chase toddler down looking like some weirdo who shops with the cart that has the red car attached to it as if it's some strange fetish. Locate toddler with soy milk. Tell toddler we don't need soy milk. Toddler insists. As the words "This soy milk isn't organic and thus probably made from GMO soy that is yucky and soy prematurely hardens people's soul forces..." come out, the instant realization that this is not an appropriate response to a toddler. Fall short of bribing toddler with chocolate to persuade her to get back into the cart. Decide to just let the "That's yummy." comment she makes stand as is when you grab a box of tampons. Then the inevitable, "I have to pee and poop in the potty." Take toddler to bathroom and locate cleanest stall. Listen to toddler admire the pretty bathroom tiles and the huge roll of tissue. Realize as soon as you push the button to the hand-dryer that it was a mistake as toddler says, "I do it."  --- Upon returning to cart, realize that doll has lost shoe. Going back through 9-1/2 aisles looking for it and finding it in aisle one. Try to calm down toddler who is upset that she can't throw a carton of eggs into the cart. Let her throw in the cheese since it will just end up melted on a burrito anyhow. By the time you get to the alcohol section, it's clear that you need a bottle of beer {at least}. Toddler says, "My beer." Tell toddler we will get her beer aka sparkling water and have people look at you funny. Then comes 'hell lane' aka the checkout lane with too much chocolate and candy. Try to maneuver through with that big cart with the red car attached to it and your kid manages to snatch stuff left and right and people give you "the look" when a meltdown ensues because you're not letting your kid have a pound of chocolate at the checkout lane... --- Get home and realize you forgot to grab the thing you went to the store for to begin with... --- My girl is amazing! Never a dull moment!