My Love

I'm still in shock. I can't believe it.

Brent, my love, the amazing kiwi-dude has died. Just three weeks ago we were in NYC together, ringing in the new year. He was only 49.

During the night from Monday to Tuesday, I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep and called him. It was Tuesday evening in Christchurch. We talked for a bit. We had had some ups and downs, but this was a most lovely & loving conversation.

I knew he was busy at work. He hadn't been feeling well this past week & he had taken quite some time off to come and visit me for 5 weeks over the holidays. Sometimes I call him at work. I didn't on Tuesday, which would have been his Wednesday. I wasn't surprised that he didn't call. Had he called me after work, it would have been in the middle of the night for me, and he didn't like disturbing my sleep.

I knew it was bad when his step-daughter was on the phone, sobbing. I thought, "Oh my goodness. He must be in the hospital or something..."

Then she said that he died.

She said that someone from work went to his house to check on him when he hadn't shown up for work & wasn't answering e-mails or the phone. They found him laying on his couch...

I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. Surely this couldn't be true! I thought it must be a bad joke. I called his work's main line. I asked to speak to him. The lady said that he passed away & she could direct me to another person... No.

I called his direct work line. I knew I would get his voice-mail. I wanted to hear his voice. I left him a message, hoping he would miraculously pick up the phone. He didn't. I called a few times, just to hear his voice on the recording.

He must have passed away while napping on the couch just after we last spoke. I'm so glad we had a good conversation. He gave the best cuddles I have ever had.

This cannot be.