A Week Later

Love. A potential betrayal.
Death. A potential birth.
Comfort. A potential dis-ease.

Swirling & whirling.
Trying to find the ground underneath.

Still falling, falling...

Hoping the ground is near.

Music Memories

Brent loved to sing. Tell Laura I Love Her was one of his favorites. He loved to sing & play the piano. He was very good at it. I'm not musical at all. Sometimes I sang along with him, sort of like the "off-key harmony." I always loved to listen to him sing.

Once he created a Powerpoint slideshow for me. The Big Brovas song was the background music. He worked on it for a long time and then got frustrated when the tech-impaired-Waldorf-teacher-me couldn't open the file. :-) I didn't get to watch it 'til I came to visit him a few weeks later. It was so sweet.

I loved hearing his kiwi accent. The other day I thought, "I'll never hear is voice again." I kept calling his voice-mail at work. At one point I even left him a message. It was still all so unbelievable. I somehow hoped he would pick up and say, "Hey Brown Eyes." Of course that didn't happen. Eventually I sent out an e-mail to my class parent & her husband . He has a recording studio. He recorded it for me & sent it to me as an mp3 later that night. I'll have it forever.

Three Weeks Ago Today...

...Brent & I were in New York City. We had taken the Subway into Manhattan pretty early - most people were probably still snoozing, recovering from their New Year's Eve hangover. We went up the Empire State Building.

We took a ferry to Staten Island.

We went to Times Square where I took pictures of the confetti left from the big "drop-of-the-ball."

I wanted to sit somewhere and have a drink, so Brent suggested an Irish Pub. We tried two. Neither of them had the Irish beer he was looking for, so he refused to stay. - The man had his quirks. :-) We had yummy pizza in a lil' place in Jamaica & then headed back to the hotel.

Three weeks ago & never again. So hard to believe.

My Love

I'm still in shock. I can't believe it.

Brent, my love, the amazing kiwi-dude has died. Just three weeks ago we were in NYC together, ringing in the new year. He was only 49.

During the night from Monday to Tuesday, I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep and called him. It was Tuesday evening in Christchurch. We talked for a bit. We had had some ups and downs, but this was a most lovely & loving conversation.

I knew he was busy at work. He hadn't been feeling well this past week & he had taken quite some time off to come and visit me for 5 weeks over the holidays. Sometimes I call him at work. I didn't on Tuesday, which would have been his Wednesday. I wasn't surprised that he didn't call. Had he called me after work, it would have been in the middle of the night for me, and he didn't like disturbing my sleep.

I knew it was bad when his step-daughter was on the phone, sobbing. I thought, "Oh my goodness. He must be in the hospital or something..."

Then she said that he died.

She said that someone from work went to his house to check on him when he hadn't shown up for work & wasn't answering e-mails or the phone. They found him laying on his couch...

I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. Surely this couldn't be true! I thought it must be a bad joke. I called his work's main line. I asked to speak to him. The lady said that he passed away & she could direct me to another person... No.

I called his direct work line. I knew I would get his voice-mail. I wanted to hear his voice. I left him a message, hoping he would miraculously pick up the phone. He didn't. I called a few times, just to hear his voice on the recording.

He must have passed away while napping on the couch just after we last spoke. I'm so glad we had a good conversation. He gave the best cuddles I have ever had.

This cannot be.

Pretty Close Now To Reentering Blogosphere...

Things are still crazy busy, but slightly on the upswing. (Knock on wood!) I shall return to more regular blogging in about a week. I'm putting the finishing touches on an awesome shawl. Stay tuned. Other than that I'm trying to stay sane, 'cause I'm told sanity is a good thing - or maybe overrated? - I'm also enjoying this long weekend in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King. Noah did a fabulous job reciting the portion of the "I Have A Dream" speech he had been assigned to memorize. I've had many "proud Mommy" moments with my children this week. Very grateful for that!

By The Rivers Gently Flowing, Illinois, Illinois...

Nathan is working on his 5th grade state report. He's been assigned Illinois. This is the grid map he created. Draft done. State seal to go. Popcorn to pop. One week left. Yay for timeliness in the procrastinator-family.

Thirteen!

Noah at Jamestown a few weeks ago & his lemon birthday breakfast cake. Nate baked it for him yesterday.

I'm interrupting my blogging hiatus to bring you the following incredibly unbelievable message: I'm officially the Mom of a teenager - the young Mom of a teenager as Noah himself pointed out, as I'm "only" 34. Yes, Noah is thirteen years old today. Just yesterday he was twelve. :-) Time flies. from 8lbs.&4oz. to wearing men's size 13 shoes. I sort of realized he was heading towards teenage-hood when a few weeks ago I looked at him sitting in the chair at the barber shop, getting his 'fro trimmed, chatting with the barber about Jimi Hendrix. Yup. I finally gave up on my idea of what his "neat haircut" should look like. He's reading Calvin&Hobbes as I'm typing. I hope those comic books will continue to hold his interest for a couple more years. :-) Happy Birthday, my dear Noah! - Back to hibernating now.

Wednesday Changed Everything

I'm taking a break from blogging. I'll be back in a week or two.

New York City

I just love this blurry, crazy night & light kinda picture.
It was fun.