Insomnic Wondering...

How do spammers know that a woman six weeks postpartum wants nothing more than some Viagra and a penis-implant?

I took a look into my spam folder. I should have taken a look much earlier. If only I had known years ago that a penis implant will help me have "cool sex." Cool sex? Don't we all want it to be hot sex? And I suppose I'd need the Viagra to make the penis-implant work?

Geez.

Do people really buy stuff by clicking on a spam link?

Hello. My name is Cadi. I bought my penis implant online...

Off to bed before I post more non-sense.

This Week

I enjoyed a trip to a local farm with my class. We harvested some Arugula, and their large-scale salad spinner was actually a washing-machine. Funny to 3rd graders - as you can imagine.

A friend took some awesome photos of my daughter. She loves to hang on my arm like that & look into the world around her.

I'm also enjoying the crane mobiles that are approaching the finishing stages in the woodworking room at school. Looking forward to Noah bringing his home!

Where Am I?

I'm somewhere...
Trying to find my blogging mojo.
Well, my overall mojo.
Running behind...
Tired. Exhausted. Overwhelmed.
Rough days leadin' up to his 50th.
We had plans for that, you know.
Awesome boys. Sweet lil' girl.
Needin' moe milk.
That would be...
... neither cat nor cow. ;-)
Hope to see you soon!

Health Insurance Nightmare

In August my health insurance company pre-authorized the homebirth. When billed in September, they refused to pay. In the letter they said that the services required pre-authorization. Geez! Thank goodness I had the written pre-authorization still in my desk. I filed an appeal via phone & reminded them of the pre-authorization they had given. They assured me that things would be taken care of; told me that the claim processor had probably just overlooked the pre-authorization; told me I'd hear from them within 30 days. I assumed that they had made payment by now. How naive of me to think so! When going through my mail-pile this evening, there was another letter from them. This time they simply say that they are not going to make a payment. No reason given. Really, huh? 

It makes me so mad that insurance companies can get away with behavior like that. When you've just given birth, or when you are sick, the last thing you wanna do is fight with an insurance company. And my excellent midwife is still waiting on getting paid six weeks after the birth?! This is just wrong on so many levels! I've written up another appeal. How can they refuse to pay if they have pre-authorized the services? Seems Kafkaesque. Some poor caseworker will be getting some steam from me in the morning. I want the insurance company to make a speedy payment to my midwife! Send me some good juju, please?! 

A Mellow Autumn Sunday

A lovely day of doing... not much of anything. Well, I did take a nap. That's doing something - right?!

Thanks to Pixie over at Peskypixies' Blog (Callin' her Pixie because I don't know if she's an out-of-the-closet blogger when it comes to her name...) for the sweet lil' pink cardigan. It's a perfect fit. Such a nice extra layer now that autumn weather brings some chilliness.

Hangin' with the brother.

These Days

I received this from Jennifer over at Little Kiwi Chick earlier this week. Isn't it just so cute? Well, it's lucky timing for you, because she is having a Giveaway for one of these treasures over at  her blog. To enter simply read this blog post. You can also buy one in her Felt shop. She actually did double-duty on this one. She started one  in blue & then made a pink one after Nuriel was surprisingly born as a girl. Thank you, Jennifer. It's already found a special place in our home. 

On another note... The back-to-work thing went surprisingly well. Nuri was happy & easy-going on both mornings. Her caregiver is such a blessing. She had a sweet Moses Basket with a lambskin prepared for Nuri & carries her around in a sling. I could not possibly have a better childcare situation! My students were excited to have their "strict" teacher back. We're in a "Money & Measurement" block. Upon learning about bartering/trading, some of my students came up with the idea of trading their siblings... Gotta love inventive 3rd graders!

Plan B

Today was the last day of my maternity leave. It's back to teaching my lovely 3rd graders tomorrow. And while I love my job & know that Nuriel will be in a home filled with warmth & cared for by a lovely person & that she will only be there for a few hours each day, I can't help but have a heavy heart & some tears this afternoon. I'll miss my spunky girl. This was not what we had planned together the night before he died. Nevertheless, it is what it is & has to be...

Three People - One Shirt

First.

Then.

Now.

Thank You!

I've been a bit at loss as how to thank everyone for all the loving, generous gifts & support we have received over these past few weeks. Some I have posted about; some are not tangible, but in spirit; others were eaten before a picture was ever taken; still others have been photographed. I could blog for a month about all the beautiful creations and thoughtful gifts and I would probably still leave some out... So, I want all of you to know that each & every gift has brightened our days & for that I thank you with all my heart. Maybe you'll see a picture of your gift here in the future, maybe not - either way please do know that we are so grateful for all we have received & we send love & blessings your way! ~ Namaste!

It gives me shivers to see my spunky girl without a hat. She wears one 99% of the time. I promise! You know, I'm a trained Waldorf Early Childhood Teacher. Warmth is my soap box. Such a cute picture, though.

Cat Milk Trifle

It's pretty simple. We've been milking our cats. By Christmas we hope to have enough milk to make the pudding for the Trifle using "cat milk." The end.

Just kidding.

Some of you will find this strange, but here in the U.S. all raw milk I have ever purchased has been labeled with "for cats & dogs only." When we lived in Germany, the kids would go to the farmer to get our milk in a lil' milk pail. Raw milk. Fresh from the cow. When we lived in Chicago-suburbia, we encountered the "for cats & dogs only" for the first time. I remember just putting the milk in the fridge. I knew why it was labeled as such. Noah didn't read the label until he went for the 2nd glass & exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! Mom!!! I just drank the wrong milk!" So funny! Even my kids thought it was weird that such labeling needs to take place. The government lets us smoke cigarettes, but we can't drink raw milk? Yeah. They are really concerned about our health, huh? Anyhoo.

Last autumn a family had gifted me with a CSA from Farm to Family - raw milk included. Brent thought it was the oddest thing that the milk had to be labeled in that way & we jokingly started calling it "cat milk." "A bit more 'cat milk' with my coffee, please?!" "Yummy. Cookies & 'cat milk.'" When Brent & I went to my Mom's house for Christmas, we took ingredients to make a Trifle - organic & from scratch. Of course we weren't going to let that "cat milk" go to waste. I remember Brent saying, "New Zealand Trifle must be made with 'cat milk'" when we prepared it in my Mom's kitchen. My family was bewildered, but they ate it. They probably thought the liberal use of Sherry outdid the potential traces of "cat milk" they might consume...

So, as I was just thinking about Christmas in one of my sentimental moments, I thought of "Cat Milk Trifle." We must have "Cat Milk Trifle" with Christmas dinner!

Signed,

A Naked, Depressed Fish Drinking "Cat Milk"

Pause & Breathe

Two reasons for not blogging much these days:

(1) There's no denying I'm going through a rough patch. It's best to not blog daily when this happens. I have no intention to rename this blog "A Drowning Fishy." Ha.

(2) I feel like a "naked blogger" with my camera not letting me upload pictures to the laptop.

I will thus spare you the adventures of a naked, drowning fishy - at least for today.

If I Could Turn Back Time...

It is still strange for me to be in places where he has been. Today Noah had a presentation at school & I needed to leave to nurse Nuriel. I sat down in the big hall where school functions take place. It was empty & quiet. And as I sat there nursing her, my eyes tried to find the spot where he sat at a festival last December. Back then the chairs in the room had been arranged in a circle. I remember sitting with my class on the opposite side & us making eye-contact a few times during some very beautiful moments. I did not know then that I was already pregnant with Nuriel. I could pin-point the spot where he sat almost exactly. I kept staring at it as if I expected a big cloud to show up out of nowhere, with him emerging from it... Needless to say that didn't happen.

Yes, grief has been hittin' me intensely these past few days. It's like a wave. Gotta ride it out. At least so far it hasn't had the intensity of one that sends you flying off the surfing board and makes you ache all over as your body hits the water... It's not one of the sobbing ones; it's more like numbness.

Edited to add: After hitting the publish button, I realized it's the 14th today. Nuri is a month old. Time flies!

Meet The Crazy Sane Family

Early evening.

Noah is complaining about the laundry service. He can't find a shirt. Similar to the other night when he couldn't find a pair of clean shorts & I found three in his closet... I tell him he's welcome to do his own laundry if he has a problem with the service I provide. Secretly I hope he will choose that option. It would make my job so much easier! Anyhow. He finds a shirt after all & tells me to feed my attitude to the alligators. (My attitude? Gasp. Yeap. He really said that! Gasp again.)

Nathan is sitting on the exercise ball in the birthing tub & shooting little pellets across the living-room, using a bra of mine as a sling-shot, while reciting a poem of a drunken cowboy who finds himself on a hellbound train. - No! He didn't learn that poem as part of the school curriculum!

Nuriel is screaming. Screaming as in screaming. Her head is fiery red. Her mouth is open so wide & she's so out of it, she doesn't realize that the object of her desire (aka nipple) is already in her mouth! --- I'm (of course, as you can imagine) the calm center of it all. (Yeah, right!)

Do you smell a disaster brewing? I sure did! Because just a few minutes later we were leaving to attend the high school information fair & I really needed Noah to leave a positive impression.

Gasp.

Guess what?

He presented himself as a competent student with social skills & a fine vocabulary. --- Nathan did an excellent job looking like the younger brother who is already interested in his own high school education. --- Nuriel was the sleeping epitome of sweetness.

We are the Sane Family after all. You already knew that, right?

A Handmade Holiday

I'm going to join Tonya over at Plain & Joyful Living in " A Handmade Holiday" - well, sort of. We're keeping things simple, yet not entirely handmade. Noah has been wishing for a wooden chess set. Ideally, I will find a used one "with good vibes" - super-ideally it'll be paid for with a barter situation of some sort. Nathan has been wishing for some art equipment & I will fulfill one of his wishes.

For the handmade portion I'm envisioning a handknit New York Giants hat for Noah & a Chicago Bears one for Nathan. Nuri will get a knitted sheep. Must get her collection going. A half-kiwi-girl needs some sheep! Yes, that's only three projects, but it's all I can handle for now. "A Simple Holiday" is probably more accurate than "A Handmade Holiday."

I'm not finding much time to blog, which is fine. Nuri doesn't nap much during the day, but sleeps *a lot* at night. Works for me. I love spending time with my girl while the boys are at school.

And my camera is PMS-ing again. No pictures 'til it's had some chocolate...

Simply Delicious

A simple somethin' yummy with an afternoon cuppa or as desert.

Cut apples or plums into wedges. Toss in a tablespoon of sugar & flour. For the apples we also add some spices like cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg & ginger. Top with crumbles made from 1/2 cup of butter, 1/2 cup of sugar & 1/2 cup flour. Bake til juicy & smellin' good. Serve with fresh whip cream.

So good!

Noah's Writing Blurb

I attended the "Friday Gathering" at school this morning with Nuriel. Noah's class presented snippets from the Creative Writing block. Here's what Noah shared:

Yesterday I was holding my baby sister. She got hungry, so she started pushing her face against my chest hopefully. When that did not work, she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and tried to force them into her mouth. Earlier she had been face-planted in my brother's chest. When she couldn't get any shirt into her mouth, she started to fuss loudly so I gave her to my Mom and the problem was fixed.

Sweet, huh? Long weekend ahead! And it looks like sunshine!

Midwife Wednesday

Nuri today in the bed where I often heard her heartbeat during the pregnancy - in my midwife's office. Just such a sweet moment. Nuri needed some belly button love. :-)

Blogtoberfest?

Blogtoberfest. A blog post a day for a month, huh? Oh, all you beer-drinking, partying young whippersnappers who can commit to do such a thing! Have fun! This mid-30s blogging Mama won't be able to keep up with you, but I will sure try & the closer I can get to a daily, interesting, coherent post, the younger I will feel, I suppose. Ha! When not blogging, I will be washing cloth diapers and the oodles of laundry this "I like to spit up at the wrong moment" girl produces. Or I'll be keeping a family feud from turning bloody & deadly. - Thank goodness the Bears (Nathan's team) only play the Giants (Noah's team) twice a season. Oh, and in between I'll be working on three pilot hats... This lil' bonnet I stitched up over the weekend. It has some flaws & it's unblocked, but this girl looks cute in just about anything!

Malabrigo Sock. Size US 1 needles. This pattern.

I like to wear my hats sideways. Have you noticed?

Look What I Found!

I remember him e-mailing it to me. I thought I had deleted it for sure. Imagine my surprise when I found it yesterday while looking for a file in my "laptop labyrinth of files!" Brent as a baby - almost 50 years ago. It's a rainy, cloudy, melancholic Sunday here. Nuri and I are listening to music. Much love to all our blogland friends!

Virginia State Fair

We ended up going today with good weather in the forecast. It was way too crowded and not old-fashioned enough for my taste, but we had a good time!

 

 Sucking up some lemonade. $13 worth to be specific.

Chillin' with a full belly.

 Joyful, happy baby!

Some knitted creations on display - including my blue baby afghan with the blue ribbon.

Noah's lyre & Nathan's spoon on the top right.

Sweater with the red ribbon.