It is still strange for me to be in places where he has been. Today Noah had a presentation at school & I needed to leave to nurse Nuriel. I sat down in the big hall where school functions take place. It was empty & quiet. And as I sat there nursing her, my eyes tried to find the spot where he sat at a festival last December. Back then the chairs in the room had been arranged in a circle. I remember sitting with my class on the opposite side & us making eye-contact a few times during some very beautiful moments. I did not know then that I was already pregnant with Nuriel. I could pin-point the spot where he sat almost exactly. I kept staring at it as if I expected a big cloud to show up out of nowhere, with him emerging from it... Needless to say that didn't happen.
Yes, grief has been hittin' me intensely these past few days. It's like a wave. Gotta ride it out. At least so far it hasn't had the intensity of one that sends you flying off the surfing board and makes you ache all over as your body hits the water... It's not one of the sobbing ones; it's more like numbness.
Edited to add: After hitting the publish button, I realized it's the 14th today. Nuri is a month old. Time flies!
Edited to add: After hitting the publish button, I realized it's the 14th today. Nuri is a month old. Time flies!
8 comments:
gentle hugs...grief often sneaks up and hits you when you least expect it.
Happy 1 month birthday Nuriel!!!!
hugs
Happy 1 month to Nuriel, and happy 1 month with Nuriel.
I know how it is. We need, and want, to see them, sense them, where they once were. These are definitely painful times. Our desires have to go unmet, yet we continue to ache for them.
Numbness has it's attributes.
Love and light, Marie
i just cant even imagine how you must feel, sending positive vibes to u and the kids :)
Happy one month to Nuriel and family.
Sending positive energy your way...
happy one month!! that did seem to go fast. keep riding the waves girl. you are doing wonderfully! what a beautiful, strong mother you are.
Happy 1 month Miss Nuriel.
Thee must be something in the air . . . my midnight visitor from earlier in the summer has come back with a vengence . . . but this time it is a better mixture of happy and sad . . . those little ghosties must know this is their month to "haunt" us :0}
ENjoy your 1 month anniversary with Nuriel.
\0/ paula
Good to meet you today! Nuriel is such a beautiful sweet babe! Your lovely little chicken is making it's home on our nature table...so darling! We've been very into chickens lately so it's perfect!
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