It was a couple of years ago on Valentine's Day when I realized that my then-husband was seeing another woman. When I checked the bank statement, there were two charges for flowers & I knew he didn't send any to his Mom or sister.
After that Valentine's Day became "single awareness day" - No other day makes you realize just how single you are than Valentine's Day.
Last year it was actually a very sweet day. Brent had made a lovely little photo album for me. I had gotten him a little "Wednesday girl" tile (long story) and a little felted flower doll necklace for his daughter. I remember talking to them on the phone while they were unwrapping the lil' gifts. We had this ongoing "thing" about the date line. In New Zealand it's usually always already tomorrow. On my Fridays he would "rub in" how he was enjoying his Saturday & when we talked on his Monday morning, I would go out of my way to mention how I was enjoying my Sunday in pajamas. - Special days would thus always stretch over two days. Brent was a very affectionate person. I take comfort in knowing that we didn't just express our love for each other on Valentine's Day. Having a long distance relationship wasn't easy. When we were apart, he was my best friend, he gave me strength & advice when I needed it - never sugar-coating things, but in an honest & straightforward manner. When we were together we spent a lot of time cuddling & holding hands. A nice balance.
This year Valentine's Day is "death awareness day." I was determined to boycott it entirely, but the bakery section at Whole Foods yesterday was just too tempting, so I got us a mini heart cake and three chocolate dipped strawberries. I certainly wouldn't have had the nerves to bake anything. Two chocolate popsicles saying YOU ROCK! seemed a fitting lil' surprise for Noah & Nathan, at least it seemed more fitting than CUTIE PIE. I wanted to scream at all those smiley people who told me to have a "Happy Valentine's Day." I wanted to say that it will totally suck, because my boy-friend just died, but I managed to stay subdued & civil. The boys had secretly gotten me a sweet lil' lantern with a pretty candle. We had the cake for breakfast in bed.
So, there are no pink balloons, red velvet cakes, heart-shaped pralines & tacky decorations in our house today. The kids are cleaning the bunny hutch. I'm preparing stuff to have some children over for a crafty morning tomorrow. Blueberry bread needs to be baked. The trash needs to be taken out, many other chores need to be completed.
But always I remember just how much I miss him, especially today.
After that Valentine's Day became "single awareness day" - No other day makes you realize just how single you are than Valentine's Day.
Last year it was actually a very sweet day. Brent had made a lovely little photo album for me. I had gotten him a little "Wednesday girl" tile (long story) and a little felted flower doll necklace for his daughter. I remember talking to them on the phone while they were unwrapping the lil' gifts. We had this ongoing "thing" about the date line. In New Zealand it's usually always already tomorrow. On my Fridays he would "rub in" how he was enjoying his Saturday & when we talked on his Monday morning, I would go out of my way to mention how I was enjoying my Sunday in pajamas. - Special days would thus always stretch over two days. Brent was a very affectionate person. I take comfort in knowing that we didn't just express our love for each other on Valentine's Day. Having a long distance relationship wasn't easy. When we were apart, he was my best friend, he gave me strength & advice when I needed it - never sugar-coating things, but in an honest & straightforward manner. When we were together we spent a lot of time cuddling & holding hands. A nice balance.
This year Valentine's Day is "death awareness day." I was determined to boycott it entirely, but the bakery section at Whole Foods yesterday was just too tempting, so I got us a mini heart cake and three chocolate dipped strawberries. I certainly wouldn't have had the nerves to bake anything. Two chocolate popsicles saying YOU ROCK! seemed a fitting lil' surprise for Noah & Nathan, at least it seemed more fitting than CUTIE PIE. I wanted to scream at all those smiley people who told me to have a "Happy Valentine's Day." I wanted to say that it will totally suck, because my boy-friend just died, but I managed to stay subdued & civil. The boys had secretly gotten me a sweet lil' lantern with a pretty candle. We had the cake for breakfast in bed.
So, there are no pink balloons, red velvet cakes, heart-shaped pralines & tacky decorations in our house today. The kids are cleaning the bunny hutch. I'm preparing stuff to have some children over for a crafty morning tomorrow. Blueberry bread needs to be baked. The trash needs to be taken out, many other chores need to be completed.
But always I remember just how much I miss him, especially today.
3 comments:
Good writing.
Toby was very ill this week (with his mental illness) and we barely squeezed out Valentine's for our little loves. We did nothing for each other. I was a little sad that it was about illness instead of what I thought it should be about. But, well...life!
I'm sending MY love to you.
Bless~
my heart hurts for you ...for us.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
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