I haven't been blogging about life-related things lately. There are two reasons for that.
One, I'd hate for this blog to be my therapist. It can be hard to confide in one person, but putting your stuff out there for the world (okay, I'm exaggerating) to read is quite another thing.
Two, there are some people in my life who would like to see nothing better than to have me go down as a miserable failure. They follow my blog so they can read about trials & tribulations and feel some strange glee about it all.
Tomorrow was supposed to be a good day but I made a big mistake. After repeatedly having been struck down by untruthfulness over the past few months, I made the mistake to get up & give another chance to the liars - each & every time. Now I have eleven hours and some minutes to make a decision.
Do I pay a huge chunk of extra money to own the home my children and I have been dreaming of, while filling the pockets of the liars with some extra cash?
Or do I walk away from that home & our dream into the unknown, while leaving them with empty pockets?
What really ticks me off about this is that they have openly shared that they give single mothers a harder time in the lending process; that they prefer lending to married couples. It's sort of a no-win situation. I can deal with their crap and pay for their mistakes & they laugh & walk away with extra cash or I can walk away & they laugh because they've ruined the dream of homeownership for a pregnant single mother with two kids.
What would you do?
Everyday Life Continued...
10 hours ago
7 comments:
Oh dear Cadi, I'm sorry but I really don't know. But if you feel that is meant to be your home, and you can walk away from the mean people after it's yours... Think of your family and your home, you will know what is right for all of you.
(It is upsetting though to think of someone treating you this way!)
Sending love and good wishes!
Hi Cadi
Two things come to my mind. Firstly, owning one's own home isn't necessarily the best course of action in terms of value for money. I've heard that renting can be better because you don't have all the maintenance costs. But then I guess not the security of knowing how long you can live there.
Secondly, if I had my time again I would be very cautious about getting into too much debt. I suppose you need to ask if you really really need this house, or would somewhere else (?not so pricey) be just as good.
Best wishes for your tough decision.
I can't really give advice about a specific house without knowing all the facts, but I can say a few things. It's difficult to make a decision about whether or not to buy a house without finding yourself influenced by sentiment. But to the extent you can manage, it's best to try and set sentiment aside when making decisions about $$$$.
It's not clear to me whether you're already living in the house in question, or just thinking about buying it and then moving in. If you aren't in it already, I would advise you to try and assess the property on rational grounds. First, list the 10 things you most want in a house (for me it was things like number of bedrooms, living areas facing in the right direction for protection from summer sun, amount of land, good access to all parts of the property via vehicle, polished wood floors etc. etc.) and then assess how many of these features the house in question has. I made a decision when buying our house that I would not consider any place that didn't score at least 9 out of 10. And that's what I got.
After that, it's a matter of deciding how much you are willing to pay, and can afford to pay. If the house you're considering is a 10 out of 10 house, I wouldn't be concerned by whether or not the 'liars' you speak of come out as winners. You should only be concerned with YOU and YOUR KIDS coming out as winners -- i.e. get as much as possible of what you want in a home, and don't pay more than you can afford. Forget everybody and everything else. Don't let the wrong sentiments influence your decision.
Ugh, why do some people have to be so ugly to others? (But I do believe in Karma).
Get cold about it and take the meaness out of it and write a factual pros and cons list. It might clear your head a little. (Then knit a little voodoo doll and that might clear your heart a little).
I agree with both comments from Bridget and Renee too - both full of good sense.
Wishing you good luck and strength.
Those people are out there wherever we go and whatever we purchase. If this is truly the house you want don't worry about them. What goes around comes around and one day they will get what they gave. Just worry about what you want for you and your children. I think maybe you are having second thought jitters and that is normal even without having to do it alone. Follow your heart and don't worry about the liars.
I 2nd exactly what Ms Lottie said.
Best wishes and you'll know what's right in the end.
I think the space you want for your family is super important. If this is YOUR place, then the mean people don't matter. Like another comment said, once you sign you leave the meanies behind. I think that looking at this without emotion is a really good idea. The pros and cons list is a biggie.
One thing I'm wondering is, "Are you rushing to get into a place because of the baby?" I know how instinctive it is to have everything all ready for baby to come. I've moved across the country 3 times when I was 8 months pregnant. The feelings that can bring up right when you're supposed to be really settling in is rough to deal with. Something I wanted to share is to remember that YOU are HOME. No matter where you are, no matter what you have around you, YOU are there. That is what your family needs. That is what your baby needs. Nursery's are nice. Being settled is nice. But lot's of people are/were nomadic and managed to deal with those nesting issues too. When I've had to I've worked the Gypsy vibe when I was waiting. (I can spin anything I have too...lol.)
If your soul tells you that THIS is YOUR home then go for it and ignore the meanies. Smile and remember that your family is the center of your world and the money they bilk you for will NEVER make them happy. But if it's just a rush to be done in time for the baby then think it over.
I also know how hard it is to have people "waiting for your failure". That is always rough. The thing I finally realized is that while my life might not be up to their standards of success, their lives also don't live up to mine. I find that this makes me feel sad for them and I can look at their attitudes from a different place.
I hope some of that made sense. You're in my thoughts every day, and even though this is going to sound weird I wish you were closer so we could hang out. I'd build ya some banana bread and chai and we could hash out some of the mysteries of pregnancy and birth.:o) Not to mention I could hook you up with that massage you need....lol...I always wished I had more massage therapist friends when I was pregnant.
Oh, and the necklace knots were super easy. I just put them as close to the stone as I could and it made them all pretty even. I'll post a "tutorial" in the next couple of days.
Sending you lots of love, laughter, and peace.
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