My children. They have been fabulous. They surprised me yesterday & put together all the beds we had gotten at Ikea the day before. Their very own initiative. They have been helping around the house, not just without complaining, but actually asking me what they can do to help. They've just been so wonderful. I love them so much. Nathan woke up the other night and asked to lie down in bed with me. I can't even remember the last time that happened. He said he had had a nightmare. They were at their Dad's house & wanted to come back home, but they couldn't. They had to stay there, because I was dead... Sigh.
Last week I was ready & confident. I was in a good place emotionally. This weekend was a difficult ride. Lots of tears. I've stopped answering the phone. I'm tired of having to say "not yet" over & over again. I'm tired of having to defend my decision to have a homebirth. I'm tired of being without him - always, but especially these last few days. He was a solid, grounded human being; an anchor. I feel like a boat, out on the ocean; floating aimlessly - lost. I just want to go to sleep in his arms & feel safe knowing that all will be well...
11 comments:
Being two weeks overdue with my first, I know a little of what your going through with the "not yet". Like you'd ever forget to tell everyone!! But I don't know what you're going through with losing your rock. Hugs.
you can do this.
you will do this.
sending lots of calming,gentle thoughts your way.
hang in there, almost there.
Your emotions are telling you its almost time.
cyber hugs to you and your kids
All will be well and be sure: he IS there. He always will be there when something important happens to you or to your child. Thinking of you over here . . . wishing you well.
Oh yeah, those late babies, I had one too. There's nothing quite like that waiting time, is there?
You've got your wonderful kids with you and us out here in blogland with you in spirit, as well as your man. All will be well....
Thinking of you. I don't blame you for not wanting to answer the phone (((hugs)))
Here's an idea.Reprogram your answering machine for a short while to say,"So far,no baby.All is well.I will call or blog everyone when he arrives.Thank you so much for your concern!I do appreciate your caring.
people having a hard time with you doing whatever is right for you - too bad for them, their own issues. I go with the "thank you for your opinion, have a nice day," school of internal response to actual and imagined judgments. Defending your truth only gives busy-bodies more energy and drains your own.
The loss of the grounded, calm anchor, with whom absolutely anything would be okay (even THIS, if they could still manange to be alive to be the anchor during the not being so physically alive anymore)- that just is Unfathomable Rot.
I think I would embrace the emotions as a sign that labor is near.. in all three of my pregnancies, those last couple of days were full of emotional roller coastering... so perhaps this a good sign that his birth is near.
Wishing you an easy labor, and a lovely birth, aided I am sure from spirits beyond...
Momma . . .. you have done such a wonderful job raising your sons. There are VERY FEW single Moms who have accomplished what you have. Lil' Bean is a lucky boy to be joining such a loving, helpful, functioning family. He has been bathed in love since Day 1 . . and I know those other little ones waiting to be born with him (I think there is a baby waiting room where all "soon-to-be-born" babies sit and compare notes, wave good bye to those being born and wish good luck to each other. I know the Bean knows he has it made!
paula
I forgot . . I was thinking to put dome water in the bottom of the cup and then place a candle in the "tea" holder . . then the wax will fall through to the water and not stick . . it would make for an interesting candle holder . .don't you think?
by the way, i am sure you are off work now . . are you?
paula
Post a Comment