I've had a hard time sleeping these past few nights. I've definitely entered the "my belly is a bowling ball & I can't get comfortable" stage. And I miss him. So much.
I started using Skype to communicate with family overseas. And his name is still there, in the bar on the left with a big grey x through it. His picture is still there in his profile. When I hear the Skype ringtone, this shudder goes through me. And while I know it will never be him again, I still hope for it every time.
He was such an affectionate person. I miss going to sleep in his arms at night. I want to feel his hands on my belly, on our baby, and I want him to crack some joke about "my bowling-ball." I know he's here in spirit, but it's just not the same. Death sucks.
8 comments:
(((HUG'S)))
Thinking of you Cadi x
I wish I could give you a hug Cadi~!
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran
Yes, sucks.
XOXO
Do you remember my talking about having all these dreams about a former love earlier in the summer? I found his best friend on facebook, sent him a message telling him what I ad been experiencing and he said he had been thinkng about his friend so much earlier in the summer also.
He said he thought it was because his birthday was then . . I said I thought he had been visiting and now I knew he was . . .if he had been there for both of us, it was no fluke.
So, with this in mind, I know you have been sleeping in Brent's arms at night. It's just that you were sleeping so heavily you couldnt feel them.
paula
Sometimes there are no words. It certainly is not the same as having Brent holding you, both of you. I can't imagine.
You recently asked about perceptions about your blog. You write of life and death. You write of farting, poop, and bribing children with meat. There is nothing more REAL than that :-)
Blessings...
even though we have never met, i really feel for you and wish i could just turn off ur pain and hurting. i hope u feel better knowing that with this baby u will always have a part of brent with u here in this world.
Hey Cadi, I'm sure that I cannot fully grasp how you must be feeling... it brings tears to my eyes reading your words here.
I can only offer my prayer that you will feel comforted and loved, always.
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