Farting

I must admit that I'm never good with subject lines or titles. Farting seems to gross out most people, but then again we seem to be fascinated by it in some twisted way.

Not all of this post will be about farting, but there'll be some farts. You might wanna grab a clothes pin for your nose.

Today I got "lost" in an online forum. A woman there had posted a rant about her husband's annoying behaviors. I paused for a moment and reflected on the things that annoyed me about Brent, which brings me back to farting. He farted in bed & it annoyed me. He thought it was funny. In order to annoy me more, he would sometimes pull the blanket up and get really close. I'd think, "Awww. Isn't that sweet." Then he'd fart & laugh. At some point I figured the whole thing out and I started saying something like, "Back off. You're about to fart," and I'd make sure my nose was where the air was "clear." I'm cracking up as I'm typing this. And as I'm typing the words I MISS HIS FARTING I know he's cracking up on the other side of the threshold there.

Brent was a Scorpio, and with me being a Pisces that made for a good combination. He had a lot of wonderful qualities that I appreciate in a human being. He was passionate about the things he did, with a caring & loving personality. He was a very affectionate man. But he also had that wandering eye that Scorpio men are so famous for.

There was a certain intensity to his personality, and a tad of "moodiness for no apparent reason." I'm a person who always wants everyone to be happy & when someone is not, I usually wonder if I caused it. I remember this one Saturday when I visited him. We needed cream for the soup I was making & he was in one of those moods.

(Sideline: I only drove once in New Zealand. I almost peed my pants. Driving on the left side of the road & needing to go around a traffic circle counter-clockwise spells a-n-x-i-e-t-y for me.)

"Hey. We need to go to the store and get some cream for the soup."

"Well, the bus stop is just up the lane. You know what to do."

I wasn't quite happy with that answer. In fact, I was pissed. But I realized that it was my choice whether or not I would let it get to me. A breakthrough in my personal development of sorts. :-) I grabbed my purse & left. On the way out I said, "See you later."

It was the one and only time when I literally got to the bus stop as the bus was pulling up. Perfect timing. I took the bus into Christchurch. I had a look in the touristy shops by the Christchurch Cathedral, went to the Art Gallery & then to the (totally awesome & amazing) Weekend Market at the Arts Centre where I totally lost track of time while browsing from one booth to the next. I ate something yummy, had a coffee, did some people-watching & then went back "home" - almost forgetting the cream.

When I got back Brent asked where I'd been for so long.

I pulled out all the treasures I had bought.

He said, "You went for cream."

I said, "I'm a woman. I'm on vacation. With money... You were grumpy, so I went shopping."

He said, "I got dressed & when I stepped into the lounge, you were gone."

I said, "You told me to take the bus, so I did." [Pause.] "Well, let me get the soup ready."

He said, "Soup? We're not having soup. We're going out to eat." [Pause.] "You have this ability to diffuse my moods... I can't believe you took the bus."

As I'm typing this I'm realizing that I'm not remembering his kiwi speak the way I used to, which makes me sad.

Anyhoo.

The point I was trying to make is that he wasn't perfect. He was human. There were things that annoyed the bleep out of me. Things that made him unique. Things I now miss.

So tonight, when your significant other farts in bed, take a deep breath & inhale the aroma.