Nuriel's Birth Story

Nuriel's birth story is available for reading here. There are also some pictures. Enjoy! Birth Stories is an awesome blog. You might want to start following it! I feel honored that Nuriel's story is posted there.

Eviction Time!

"It's time to serve the eviction notice," is what my midwife said today before "massaging" my membranes. I'm on a few homeopathics til tomorrow & then I get to have "the cocktail." I can certainly feel' somethin' starting to happen... I never thought I'd be looking forward to a glass of what I understand to be mostly castor oil, an almond something & champagne. The latter probably making it sound more appealing than it is...

The Day After

Yesterday I lost it & today I had an Epiphany. I was so stressed out by the "still pregnant" remarks & the thought of having "lost" a week of maternity leave (less time with Lil' Bean when he does arrive) that I was losing sight of something. I was losing sight of the fact that I always wanted to have another child; that it is likely that this is the last child I will give birth to; that Brent left me a most wonderful gift; that I should enjoy every day of this marvelous pregnant goddess belly. And so today I put on my Blessingway necklace & the bear necklace and I walked out into the world with a smile on my face. And I greeted the, "What? Still no baby?" remarks with, "Isn't it awesome that I get to enjoy being pregnant a little longer?" Yeah, isn't it awesome?

Midwife Tuesday

Two posts today. The other one is here. Lil' Bean is doing fine. Strong heartbeat & he's active. Cervix is at 3-4 cm, 50% effaced, soft & squishy. No labor yet. If he hasn't made an appearance by next Monday, "the drink" will help him along. Tomorrow is Nathan's birthday. Wouldn't a birth on that day be a fun coincidence?

Noah & Nathan came with me. They wanted to meet the squirrel babies I mentioned here. They loved Noah's warm hands so much that one of them had a bowel movement. Aren't they cute?

Strap Me To A Pole?!

I just read, "The Pilgrims would stand women whose babies were late against a pole, strap them to it, and pound the pole up and down against the ground - apparently hoping to shake the baby loose."

Those Pilgrims, huh?

Yeah. I think I'd rather just wait!

Yes. I'm still waiting patiently. Labor Day Monday - you are my hope! You see, with school starting on Tuesday & Nathan's birthday on Wednesday, things are bound to get a bit tricky. I might ask to be strapped to a pole soon. Stay tuned.

PMSing & Labor

Confused, huh?

I'd love nothing more than some labor this Labor Day weekend & a smooth birth & a healthy baby. Yeah, take that all you lazy loafers who just wanna have fun & BBQ one more time! It's Labor Day, not Lazy Day! I'm willing to sweat in the birthing tub while you splash in the cool water by the pool, checking out the hot dudes & chicks. (Can't you tell by my vocabulary that I have a teenager in the house?)

Seriously, I know it's all about the right time, but can this please just be the right time?

Yes, patience is not my virtue & I'm not even PMSing, which leads me to the last time I should have been, but apparently wasn't aka the beginnings of Lil' Bean The Procrastinator. (Yes, it's an official name change in case you're wondering.)

And yes, I've been browsing old e-mail threads again.This one was preceded by a not-so-nice message from me when Brent didn't respond to an e-mail quickly enough (aka a few minutes). I blamed it all on PMSing. (Aren't we women so lucky to have this excuse for bad behavior once a month?) I'm not going to post my original message here, of course. Why not? - Because it's my blog & I want you to think I'm always nice, centered & calm. Ha!

Message from Brent
Sun, Nov 22, 2009 at 9:36 PM
I have a very busy week in preparation for my travel. Christmas presents to buy. Arrange shipping. Clothes to launder. Inoculations to have, especially the anti PMS inoculation.

Message to Brent
Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 12:20 AM
I hear the anti-PMS inoculation is given in the rear end; extra long needle. Ouch. Enjoy!

A Note For Lil' Bean

Dear Lil' Bean,

Okay.
I will be blunt.
I'm done being patient.
Thank you for the added suspense.
You're keeping me on my toes.

1-0 for you.
Please come out now.
Pretty, pretty please?

Apparently patience is not my virtue.
But I don't have the patience to learn patience right now.

You see, your mother is not the best homemaker.
Maintaining a clutter-free, dust-free, spiffy clean home
day after day is driving me crazy.

Not that you'd grow up in conditions the health department would deem unsanitary, but I do believe a bit of dust is good for your immune system. :-)

I'm glad you've grown into such a healthy-sized baby.
Not too big, not too small.
I'm glad you're so active.
Thing is, I wasn't the smallest chick to begin with.
I like a good-night's sleep... and I know your father has been telling you to sleep through the night at an early age, because I asked him to do so, and generally he responds to my requests...

It's hard to sleep with this big belly.
What is keeping you in there?
Surely it must be getting kinda tight?!

The moon is in Taurus. Stability & steadiness are good virtues to have. Do you not want the conservative streak that comes with that moon sign? (Okay. That makes sense. Maybe you & I would bonk heads too often...)

Are you waiting for the quick-wittedness that comes with a Gemini moon?

The tenderness of a Cancer moon (like your father)?

A Leo moon? Labor Day weekend would be a great time to be born & it also happens to be Father's Day in your Papa's homeland.

Or are you maybe waiting to be born on Nathan's birthday,
which would make you a Virgo with a Virgo moon?
(That's a lot of perfection there, my child...)

Or are we talkin' even later than September 8th?
(Gasp.)

Well, I'm sure you have a plan.
But would you kindly tell me what the plan is?
Pretty, pretty please?

If you can't get a hold of me on the phone, you can always leave me a message on Facebook.

Thank you very much.
Can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Your (tired of this insomnia) Mama

Midwife Monday

It starts of strange & depressing, but turns into a kind of funny story, so read on...

When I finally fell asleep last night, I had a dream. A weird dream. I dreamed I was in the birthing tub & I gave birth to a... squirrel. No kidding. In my dream I broke down crying saying, "Oh my gosh. What will my mother think? I gave birth to a squirrel." My midwife was trying to console me by saying, "Look at it. It's so cute. You will love it." - You see, I have come to terms in ways with my mother having walked out of my life over this pregnancy. I know a part of her still believes that I'm not really pregnant; that I'm just making it up. It's one thing for people to tell me I'm crazy when I've done something crazy, but this is not me being crazy! When I tried to "analyze" this dream, it had to do with having disappointed her in ways, although I truly know that this is her problem not mine.

Anyhoo.

Well, I went for my midwife appointment & wondered whether or not I should tell her about the dream. It was a strange in ways kinda dream, but then also kinda funny. I arrived & she peeked out and told me to go do the urine sample thing. I sat on the bed in her office when she came in and told me about these squirrels. No! I had not even mentioned my squirrel dream yet! She said that people know she raises abandoned squirrels; how she always has a container of cat milk, just in case. She said someone brought her squirrel babies last week; tiny ones that require feeding every two hours. My jaw must have dropped as she told me about it. I told her about my squirrel dream... It was just such a funny "coincidence."

She also gave me a lovely necklace with a bear on it. She said when she looked in her box, she immediately knew that I had to have it. She said bears are good mothers. :-) She reminded me that human gestation is 37-43 weeks, but that we've come to a place in society where it's hard to accept anything beyond 42 weeks. It was nice to have the reassurance that all is well. Lil' Bean's heartbeat is just fine. Healthy movements. All is well.

I'm going to insert a bit of "normal life" here. I'm really trying to hang in there, but I just miss him so much. The last few days have been especially difficult. I don't mean to be the depressing blog in your queue, but I also can't deny that it is so.

Yesterday I ended up having to dust the birthing tub. There were dust bunnies. A sure sign one has been waiting for a long time... My living-room fireplace is the only one not bricked up, but it used to be a coal-burning one, so it's not suitable for wood-burning. I put some candles in the spot & I have been enjoying the magical light in the evenings.

The boys have been fixing dinner almost daily. Here's Noah with a pizza bagel. The recipe was their idea. They were quite tasty.

I finished the Rosie Shawl. It needs blocking, though. On the needles now is my version of the Icarus Shawl - with a bit of a stockinette section. I'm using Swan's Island Organic Merino. I love the green hues, but the yarn must have been rinsed poorly or somethin'. - My bamboo needles are turning green! Yikes.

So much for Monday.

Not Yet!

That's the only thing I seem to be saying these days & that note should take care of all potential inquiries for the next 24 hours. ;-) What can I say? Could mean that he's a procrastinator like his parents, but more likely he's just waiting for his star constellation in the heavens to be the right one for his birth; his journey through life. It seems that of all people I'm the least concerned about it, which is kind of funny. And yeah, I did take that Ikea trip yesterday. So glad I did! My boys were awesome with loading & unloading everything... - Have a wonderful weekend!

Midwife Wednesday

Lil' Bean is still high. I'm only at 1-2cm. I have permission to go shopping at Ikea, which is about a 1-1/2 hours drive through this weekend... Looks like September 2nd-ish is turning out to be the more accurate date afterall. So, don't look for a birth announcement 'til next week or somethin' like that... :-)

Moi Big Belly

Wearing Brent's shirt for a belly shot...

Not Yet...

It is almost 3:30 a.m. It looks like my body is preparing for "birth mode" in small chunks. Nothing too painful, but uncomfortable enough to keep me from snoozing. Small chunks is good. I'm not complaining.

I suppose more than one of my blog readers thought my blogging silence today meant that Lil' Bean has arrived. Not so. :-)

It was a mellow Sunday. My cousin's hubby (along with two of their boys and my boys) cut the grass chopped down the jungle around the house while she and I went out for a cuppa-mocha. My boys fixed baked potatoes, sausage & sauteed onions for dinner. I didn't do a thing. We don't own a TV. Football Preseason has started & Noah wanted to watch one of the games online, which meant no blogga-logga time for moi. Sitting on my bum & typing also isn't the most comfy thing to do these days & I just felt my brain wasn't quite here or there or wherever it should be... Nathan and I spent some time looking at some wildflower botany cards. He'll be studying that subject in 5th grade & the photos of the cards are just stunning. I organized my knitting patterns. They've outgrown the "one-binder-stage." I wonder if that's considered nesting? ;-)

Yes, I am ready, but I'm also wanting things to unfold in the right way at the right time, so I'm patient. I'm not slurping Castor oil or anything like that... ;-) I think about Brent & Lil' Bean a lot. I miss Brent. No doubt, getting my feet massaged while knitting would be divine just about now. I would even take his jokes about my elephant toes along with that...

I'm Ready!

I had a period of pretty steady contractions, about 7-10 minutes apart this afternoon. They faded again, but they made me realize that I'm ready. For this melancholic there will never be that moment of perfect preparedness. This old house will never be totally dust-free. There will always be some sort of Lego clutter or a Harry Potter book to trip over. All I can say is that I'm as ready for this as one can be, given the circumstances; given all that has happened in the last few months. It's not perfect, but all has been prepared with love.

I think Brent knows this as well.

And so I wait...

P.S. It's not (yet) too late to enter Another Giveaway.

More Blessingway

I hope you like flowers.

"Villa 1910" is filled with them.

It feels so good here.

Our home is a lovely place right now.

Ready to welcome Lil' Bean.

But the melancholic perfectionist me still wants to add some finishing touches first...

Blessingway Necklace.
The Goddess was actually a bead the Mom of one of my students received for one of her Blessingways & now passed it on to me. She shell has a pearl on the back of it. The words are Life, Trust, Spirit, Joy & Honor. It's very beautiful.

Flowers.

Flowers.

And more flowers.

Some bouquets had aromatic Rosemary in them. I dried the stalks in the oven today & put them in a spice jar. It'll be a special ingredient in the months to come. We love to eat Rosemary potatoes.

Blessingway

I was so overwhelmed with all the beauty & love.
- I forgot to snap pictures.
Here are a few.
This was in my house, yet I did not do a single thing.

I just got spoiled like crazy.

The pretty beads for my Blessingway necklace.
It is so gorgeous.

Amazingly beautiful flowers.
I ended up with ten vases & two flower crowns.
No kidding.

So very pretty.

Eggplant Parmesan.

Lots of yummy salads.

Potato cakes.

Fresh bread.

Tea.

Sparkling water.

Beautiful setting.

My footbath. Luxury.

I received offerings of spices & herbs along with wishes.

(Yes, I have gigantic toes & chunky feet.

Brent always made fun of them.

I wear size 11 shoes.)

Delicious chocolate cake.

Midwife Monday

Lil' Bean is playing tricks on me. After having been perfectly behaved for so long, he was in a breech position today. The midwife easily turned him, though. Suspicion is that the long car ride this weekend just wasn't the most comfy thing for him. He was still quite active in there; seemed to have a lot of room to move around, so the thought is that of the two due dates, September 2nd may be the one closer to the mark. We'll see. - The rainbow of soakers is nearing completion. Just a red one to go. Lots of enjoying my boys, cleaning, knitting & resting on this end. Happy Days!

Boys & Birth

"We're going to bury the placenta in the backyard & plant a berry-bush on it. But first it will probably be sitting in the freezer for a couple of days."

Silence.

"What if we accidentally take the placenta for frozen meat & eat it for dinner by mistake?"

"What if the placenta buried in the backyard grows into a giant underground squid & sucks up the hole house?" (Yes, I do believe they watched too much TV at their Dad's house.)

Superwoman!

Midwife Monday. I feel so empowered. We started talking about labor today. Amongst other things, my midwife gave me a list of things to do (and not to do) in case labor progresses so rapidly that she can't be here on time. Women give birth on their own. The most important thing is to stay calm. I walked away with the confidence that I could do it on my own.

My midwife talked about how you hear these stories in the media of police officers delivering babies on the side of the road; how they end up being interviewed & hailed as the hero, when in fact the woman was the one who kept it together (aided by a rush of adrenalin) and gave birth. A quick search found some examples.

Like this one: A police officer who planned to have a stern word with a driver who overtook him ended up helping deliver his baby. - Wooot? It makes it sound like the man had a baby in the car. The entire article never even mentions the woman who gave birth!

In this one it says the woman was in pain. A laboring woman & pain - now that's an unusual & newsworthy occurrence, huh? The police officer told the woman to push. Ya think she wouldn't have known what to do without his instructions? Afterward the father said, "Now that it's over, it was a pretty cool experience." Assuming the correct definition for cool in this context is slang, you could substitute excellent or first-rate or relaxed for cool. I wonder if the Mom would agree that giving birth on the side of the road was excellent, first-rate & relaxed.

And we women are considered the "weaker sex."

[Looks over her shoulders to make sure no one is watching...]

Yeah right!

The Last Stretch Or Pretty Close To It Anyhow

I'm in this cleaning frenzy, which is unusual for me. I keep a tidy space, but I'm not a domestic diva. I'd rather knit. I know it is normal to go through that stage before childbirth. I remember it with Nathan. I woke up that morning with this impulse to clean the apartment to perfection & to do the laundry. As I was walking up from the basement that day, laundry basket under one arm, Noah, then 21 months old, in the other arm, I felt the first contraction. The apartment ended up being spotless. Nathan was born later that evening. This frenzy I've been in since yesterday is thus scary. I don't feel "prepared to perfection" for this birth yet. Then again, for a melancholic like me that "stage of perfect preparedness" I create in my mind is hardly ever reached. - Just too much to live up to for a human - any human.

My posts of late have been rather personal. Writing helps. At times I contemplate how we have gotten from this idea of writing down one's personal thoughts in a locked diary to processing similar things on a blog where (at least in theory) it could be read by people all over the world. If you don't like the personal spin, I would encourage you not to read the rest of this blog post.

Last night I had a creative spike, so I worked on the Birth Invitation assignment my midwife had given me. I'm supposed to invite all the things I'm envisioning for the birth - how I want the birth to be. I made the writing below into a card, a "real" invitation. I placed a wool roving angel on the front of the ones I'm planning to pass on to the people I have invited to be present. I also made a larger wool roving angel to go over the mantle. It's in a space where I placed my copy of this Birth Invitation, along with a Reiki-charged candle & a picture of Brent. I'm planning on lighting the candle during labor. The invitation itself is prefaced by that lovely poem I mentioned a few days ago. It's just such a wonderful picture to behold. I found this envisioning a very helpful thing to do.

Here it goes...

I trust that this child, who has chosen this incarnation on earth, will be born at the right time, surrounded by the right people, and after the right amount of labor.

Brent, my love, I invite you to this birth, although I know you don't have to be invited to show up. You'll just be here. I trust that you will watch over the events unfolding here on earth from spiritual realms and that you will help bring about all the right things needed for our baby Nuriel to be born in health. Thank you for this wonderful gift.

LIFE, this birth is a celebration of you. I invite you to be present along with your companions: cheerfulness, joy and laughter. May the healthy cries of our newborn baby celebrate you.

STRENGTH, you live in me, but sometimes you slumber. I invite you to come out of the closet and attend this birth dressed in full splendor.

PEACE, I invite you to this birth in form of calm, quiet & privacy. I welcome silent moments should the need arise and I trust that they will feel natural to all who are gathered. PEACE, I invite you to be with everyone present.

WISDOM, I invite you to lead everyone gathered. Give everyone the knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment and insight.

INTUITION, I invite you to guide me to do the things that will bring about movement and progress while ensuring the health & safety of the incarnating soul. I invite you to move others to assure or reassure me when it is needed.

POOP, I did not want you to be around at first as I thought you were a rather embarrassing guest to invite to such a special gathering. However, I have since learned that you are a sign that the birth is near, which I welcome. So, if you have nothing else to do, come on out & join us.

Piggy Confession

Have you ever eaten a pint-sized container of ice-cream in one sitting? Well, I just did. I know, I can't believe it either.

One kiddie scoop is all I wanted. Really! It should be unlawful for an ice-cream place to lock a door on a pregnant woman at 9:31 p.m., even when a sign says they close at 9:30 p.m. (Thank you. I knew you would agree.)

This led me to the grocery store. I just needed some ice-cream tonight, you know. I couldn't pass by the Ben & Jerry's Mission to Marzipan - a sweet cream ice cream with almond cookies & a marzipan swirl. I bought the pint-sized container. (You would have, too. I know!) At home I couldn't stop eating it. Just so good. Yes, I consumed 80% of my daily total fat intake, 60% calcium and, oh-my-gosh-I-can't-blog-this-outrageous-number calories in a midnight "snack."

I'm such a piggy.