Midwife Monday

It starts of strange & depressing, but turns into a kind of funny story, so read on...

When I finally fell asleep last night, I had a dream. A weird dream. I dreamed I was in the birthing tub & I gave birth to a... squirrel. No kidding. In my dream I broke down crying saying, "Oh my gosh. What will my mother think? I gave birth to a squirrel." My midwife was trying to console me by saying, "Look at it. It's so cute. You will love it." - You see, I have come to terms in ways with my mother having walked out of my life over this pregnancy. I know a part of her still believes that I'm not really pregnant; that I'm just making it up. It's one thing for people to tell me I'm crazy when I've done something crazy, but this is not me being crazy! When I tried to "analyze" this dream, it had to do with having disappointed her in ways, although I truly know that this is her problem not mine.

Anyhoo.

Well, I went for my midwife appointment & wondered whether or not I should tell her about the dream. It was a strange in ways kinda dream, but then also kinda funny. I arrived & she peeked out and told me to go do the urine sample thing. I sat on the bed in her office when she came in and told me about these squirrels. No! I had not even mentioned my squirrel dream yet! She said that people know she raises abandoned squirrels; how she always has a container of cat milk, just in case. She said someone brought her squirrel babies last week; tiny ones that require feeding every two hours. My jaw must have dropped as she told me about it. I told her about my squirrel dream... It was just such a funny "coincidence."

She also gave me a lovely necklace with a bear on it. She said when she looked in her box, she immediately knew that I had to have it. She said bears are good mothers. :-) She reminded me that human gestation is 37-43 weeks, but that we've come to a place in society where it's hard to accept anything beyond 42 weeks. It was nice to have the reassurance that all is well. Lil' Bean's heartbeat is just fine. Healthy movements. All is well.

I'm going to insert a bit of "normal life" here. I'm really trying to hang in there, but I just miss him so much. The last few days have been especially difficult. I don't mean to be the depressing blog in your queue, but I also can't deny that it is so.

Yesterday I ended up having to dust the birthing tub. There were dust bunnies. A sure sign one has been waiting for a long time... My living-room fireplace is the only one not bricked up, but it used to be a coal-burning one, so it's not suitable for wood-burning. I put some candles in the spot & I have been enjoying the magical light in the evenings.

The boys have been fixing dinner almost daily. Here's Noah with a pizza bagel. The recipe was their idea. They were quite tasty.

I finished the Rosie Shawl. It needs blocking, though. On the needles now is my version of the Icarus Shawl - with a bit of a stockinette section. I'm using Swan's Island Organic Merino. I love the green hues, but the yarn must have been rinsed poorly or somethin'. - My bamboo needles are turning green! Yikes.

So much for Monday.