I'm just so freakin' mad right now. Here goes my first week of maternity leave & still no baby. I'm sick & tired of all these false starts that are getting my hopes up and then nothing. I'm tired of hearing, "You're STILL pregnant? Is that baby ever going to come out?" At this point I'm so angry I just wanna say, "Yeah one day and I hope the first thing he'll do is give you a kick in the rear end." Seriously. If you see me twice a day, do you have to point out the fact that I'm STILL pregnant every time? As if I haven't noticed! And don't tell me that I look like I'm having twins either. I don't want to know that you had a 3-pounds baby. A 3-pounds baby isn't my ideal. Chances are I'm not having a 3-pounds baby because I wasn't smoking what you're smoking.
I'm all for spirituality. Yes, I still hold on to my truths. But the fact that he's here in spirit just isn't the same. Surely he must see how desperate I am at this point, but he's not doing a thing about it. And then I wonder why. Maybe he just thinks I'm unfit to raise his child or something. I turned around his smiling picture on the mantle today - right after my screaming fit about how unfair it all is, which in turn was right after I looked at it & had to cry because I miss him so much.
So, there you go. I'm a mess. Consider yourself lucky if you get to read this. Chances are I'll wake up in the morning, wonder why I let myself blog being a mess like this, and then end up deleting the post.
18 comments:
Don't delete it Cadi. This is what we are hear for - to yell and scream and cry at, to vent at. We love listening - it's a privilege to share your journey. I hope your lil one makes his appearance soon. x
I agree with Helen - I know it's frustrating (been there done that) but there is a reason for everything (well I believe anyway). Hopefully you wake feeling rested and content - please don't delete this post, like Helen said we are sharing your journey (albeit from a huge distance). We're all thinking of you xx
Was thinking of you this morning and wondering how you are travelling. Was hoping bubba would be well on his/her way for you! Hang in there hon, will be worth the wait!
Hugs
Kimmie
x
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
And more e-hugs...
hang in there, harder said then done i know!! this bub was meant to be dont ever think otherwise, i think lil bean is trying to make a grand entrance of some sorts by keeping everyone in suspense...i heard eating a pineapple might get the party started...
When I read the little blurb on the dashboard I immeidately thought "Brent and Nuriel are sitting on a cloud somewhere just enjoying your agony"
Men have a strange sense of humor . . . so I'll bet if you listen real close you can hear a little *snicker* coming from your womb.
Just tell that little man you don't think he and his daddy are all that funny right now.
Blessings to you and may you have the patience you need to get to th end of this pregnancy race.
paula
dont delete it you will look back on it and remember all the feelings and experiences.
You are allowed to vent and its probable long overdue.
cyber hugs to you
Cadi--I have been thinking of you and hoping you were ok. (((HUGS)))((((HUGS)))((((HUGS))) ***warm fuzzies and love***
It's okay to be frustrated! I know you will have that baby soon! I am sending you peace from the Pacific Northwest Coast!
Paula - That type of image came to me, too, but enough is enough! I refuse to change my blog to ETERNALLY PREGNANT, which might give me a few minutes of fame on the Jerry Springer show...
~~~
The "I trust that this child will be born at the right time..." from the birth invitation is coming back to haunt me, huh?
~~~
Just in case you think I'm really mean, well, sometimes I am, BUT I did at least turn his picture around again...
How annoying! I'm sure you are over it well and truly by now. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but within a couple of weeks you'll be missing those wriggling, kicking feet in your belly. I know at the end of my pregnancies (when I was miserably drinking heartburn medicine straight from the bottle) I was so ready to meet my wee one but I kinda missed it once they were out. x
Oh dear. Hugs to you and your belly, which is hopefully empty soon! And vent away, like everyone said. That's what bloggy friends are for.
xx
Well from all the responses you can see that this is just real life
just read this the other day....
It's life ... it's happening
love and light
oh sweetie,
lots and lots of aussie hugs
hope you have gone into labour now ... hugs xxx
no, it is NOT the same. When people handed me that, I snapped that if I cut off their legs, then gave them a photo of their legs, and told them it was "just the same. you still have them in spirit," well, let's just say my unbelievable rudeness ended those conversations.
And just because the bloody universe has her own timing, and so does that little being in there, well that does not make said timing alright in any sense of any word anywhere. May be that it is what it is, but what it is also sucks.
And there, m'lady, is my pep talk for the morning.
Oh boy - I remember this time of waiting (and unwelcome but well-meaning questions so well). I hear you!!!
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